It's been a little over a year since my last entry on this blog. If you could only see the amount of drafts I've made on this account...I was going through a tough time where a lot was put onto me by both myself, my life, my family, my career, etc. I don't blame myself for struggling to find peace within that time.
I've begun the process of coming back to peace again. I see the necessity for it. It is not some "solve all" thing as it is often presented as. It is a privilege. To have peace in your day to day life. I have held that belief for quite some time now. With that said, it is a privilege we all can access at any time. Something given by God. And it makes things easier during our time on Earth.
Now, my mind is still all tangled up in a mess of various conflicting thoughts/feelings/values, but I can see clearly now more than ever that it is important to take care of your mental health. You can have the greatest of intentions with a fire burning in your heart but still manage to not achieve the things you so desperately want to achieve. You can also harm yourself quite significantly in the physical world. I've gained weight, I'm eating processed foods, I'm spending all this wonderful free time just searching for a way to not feel so damn lost!
I had this quote I liked. "You had your life experience, it's time to start living." It was what got me to make the move back East and closer to family. It's what allowed me to branch out socially and begin to be more outgoing and take things into my own hands. But, it also granted me permission to not give a shit about all my healthy mental habits I had built up. So when the move came and a new career began and new views swarmed in, I left my mental health to rot up and fall to pieces.
I am now living in West Chester, PA and it is quite the beautiful town. I love taking in all its beauty. I also feel comfortable to play in the town. I've already met over a dozen people which has been such an exhilarating thing for me. With that said, after any new social interaction, I have been going straight to unhealthy foods, wasting time on my phone, and eventually stressing myself out thinking how I'm not in the right mindset to see them again. It has been exhausting, really. And then I think how I haven't been actively uncomfortable in fun ways. So I feel like I haven't accomplished shit.
I pride myself in having built up relationships with all my family members during this stressful time of change. I think I'm going to be making a flyer to hang in Turks Head Cafe that advertises myself and my interests in hopes of meeting people who share such things. I am a little worried that in doing such a thing, I will be left to fight back for my mental health. It has become habit to think in negative cyclical patterns at this point. Baby steps.
Oh also. SHOCKER. I've been wanting a relationship. I know that's the single more common way to never get into a relationship. I don't like the dating apps. I also feel as if I still need to work on my mental health and building my community before finding someone. I haven't been daydreaming over the past many months. Daydreaming is what got me here, and I love when I have the mental freedom to do so.
This feels more like a classic entry on this blog. I'm glad. I've been going through the wringer recently. I'm happy I can feel more stable and certain in things.
