Hospital Cafeteria

Jake Gregan

Hospital Cafeterias 

I just now stumbled across a song that I hadn't listened to for years. The song does't matter nearly as much as the experience that it takes me back to. My father had back surgery a few years back, and my mother and I anxiously waited in the waiting room for hours on end. The surgery went well. I am attempting to write this well enough but I just can't. I am unable to put my thoughts down onto paper and express them the way they deserve to be expressed. My memory from that day was dark. Everything about that hospital in Philly, one of the best in the country, was covered in this dark film that made everything just seem a little off. After saying our goodbyes to my dad, we went down to the waiting room and took our seats. This waiting room was very large and used for people in similar situations as ourselves. There were rows after rows of seats and in the center there was a desk with a few computers on it which the families could use if need be. We waited for what seemed like days until we decided to go to the hospital cafeteria. The hospital cafeteria is the most humanizing room that I have ever came across. We are all humans. All humans are animals. All animals need to eat. And that's exactly what the hospital cafeteria is made for. It has all sorts of interesting foods that I am naturally very attracted to, due to my appreciation for food and just liking places like that. But that's not what makes this large room so special. People who's wives are dying of a botched surgery, people who just found out their grandfather successfully made it through and is recovering well, people who have no idea about the fate of their loved ones, little children who are unable to comprehend the situation, yet they still know to not make a fuss. These are the people that you will see at a hospital cafeteria. Everyone needs to eat at some point in order to continue to survive. I remember walking into that cafeteria and being excited about ordering a meatball sub and wanting some sort of cookie or some shit, and then my mom said no and that the sandwich was enough. And that was that. I understood fully that we were there to eat out of necessity, not pleasure. When I opened up this blog I was not planning on talking so much about the cafeteria, but it all suddenly hit me as I began typing. And let me remind you that all of this is being provoked from just one simple song that I happened to be listening to during the time of the hospital visit. But anyway, back to the waiting room we went. At this time I was taking Honors Chemistry and I had a large test the next day, and was planning on studying for it during the time we waited. I didn't even attempt to take out my book until most of the crowd was gone from the room. All I could get myself to do was to listen to the same 4 songs on repeat for hours on end. The doctors occasionally came out and told us all was well and that it shouldn't be too long, which was a complete lie, but I didn't mind. At this point we had gotten up and moved over to a corner of the room which was not very crowded at all except for a few families. One of the families had a daughter that was my age, and for hours I thought about if I should go talk to her or do something about it. But she could have been there because of her moms tumor removal or something extremely intense. But if I used that as my excuse, that would be a lie. I knew I would never have the strength to go and talk to a girl in that situation. This isn't very important overall but I just remember that it was on my mind for so long as we waited. I overheard a group of people next to me saying that their sister was in surgery for some botched face lift and that it is just one of the many surgeries she will have to get eventually. Eventually we found out my dad was all good and we had a long ride home from Philly and I ended up getting like a C on that chem test, but like why does that matter in the long run at all. Jumping back to the cafeteria talk, I just looked into any info about how interesting hospital cafeterias were, and I couldn't find one damn article on it. It just is so amazing. Life. Ya know? And how such horrible things can happen to us, and yet at the end of the day, we still keep living by doing things like eating. You wouldn't ever consider to walk up to a person in line at the cafeteria and ask them how their day was doing. But that doesn't mean it has to be a hostile place. I remember when I was with my dads side of the family in a cafeteria while my uncle was in the ICU and hearing a woman sobbing in one corner of the large room. I remember my aunt came over to us and we all sorta joked around with each other about various things, despite being united and brought together over what seemed the inevitable death of my own uncle. (Luckily he recovered and all is well) But just the fact that humans as a species can joke during times of peril simply to make things seem more normal for just those initial seconds you only are focusing on laughing, is what is so amazing to me. That song is Secrets By Maroon 5 btw. I don't know how I got into it, and it is not a popular song. I remember reading my first complicated psychology book that I bought in Philly while my uncle was in ICU and reading it in the cafeteria and it was about the theory that what if we all were just brains in a jar. Everything around us was made up by our own imaginations and minds. I still fully believe that that is a possibility. Not so much the brains in jars, but just that everything around me is just made up by my own mind. It has stuck with me for so many years now. I will never not have that in the back of my head. I got it. The hospital waiting room day seemed like a dream to me. I have very vivid dreams and I could describe one of my most recent dreams even better than I did for the day I actually experienced. I am going to college for communications media and I love that stuff. But I don't think I can completely cut out psychology from the mix because this stuff is just so amazing to me and it seems like not everyone fully gets how insane it all is and they just say "yeah I agree thats cool/interesting" and then just keep going with their lives. That seems near impossible to me. To just keep living life without acknowledging and adjusting to those ideas and concepts. I live a fully functional life and have large plans in life but am able to occasionally realize the little things and appreciate how great and intriguing this world is that we live in. I haven't stopped typing since I started and I have no idea if any of this is understandable. I am laying in my dorm bed at USC which I will soon be leaving for good to go to IUP which I am looking forward to. I do not feel as if I am currently in my dorm but more so in my bedroom in Oxford where I feel the most comfortable I have ever been. And all of this just makes me put everything in perspective and it just is all so much. I don't know why I am writing this or for whom it is written for, but I guess that's not my job to figure out. I am not gonna go back and edit what I typed because I am a strong believer of steam of conscious writing and if I edit anything, I will be editing my raw ideas and beliefs. 

It

At approximately 12:20 AM on July 30th, it hit me.

The it in which I am speaking of, is nearly impossible to describe in just words. You see, in order to fully understand what "it" is, you need to experience it first handedly. "It" can range from the little curious feeling you get when buying a sheet for your dorm bed, to a memory of your mother coming in and calming you down during a stormy night. "It" is the nervous excitement that you feel when you go shopping for college supplies. "It" is recognizing a smell uncanny to the smell of your old friends house. "It" is hearing a tune that you used to listen to with your father while hanging out in the garage. "It" is the moment you realize that this upcoming year will be like no other year you've ever experienced. "It" is the feeling you get when you look around your room and accept that in a few weeks, you won't be able to go back. "It" is knowing you won't have anyone to constantly spoil you. "It" is the realization that you will not always be surrounded by people who love you unconditionally. "It" is recalling all the little things that mean the most to you. "It" is the moment you realize how lucky you are to have parents like yours. "It" is the sudden feeling or regret for not expressing your appreciation towards the best things that are in your life. "It" is when you realize that you are leaving everything that has been stable in your life, far behind. "It" is knowing that your parents love and care for you more than any two people ever could. "It" is the reassuring feeling received when you know that, no matter what, your family will be there for you. 

Thanks

Ideas and Thoughts Version 1

I have so many deep things I could be talking about right now, especially with prom just occurring. Instead of discussing the many confusing issues I am currently having, I would rather describe a few ideas and thoughts I have had lately.

• A blanket that can mute any loud sound. Like if a loud alarm is going off, and you placed this blanket on top of it, it would quickly and fully muffle the sound. Much more extreme than a normal blanket.
• What if gas stations had a promotional deal where after, lets say, 2 am, the gas prices go down by 5 cents. I am not sure how that would help a business, but it just seems like it would work out somehow.
• I recently went to a local carnival, and walked by a man who was aggravated and heated when he was "so close" to tossing a ring on top of a milk jug. This led to me realizing an interesting fact: It is more common for a person to "almost win" a carnival game, compared to straight up losing at the game. Like it is almost more impressive to have played a carnival game and not gotten close to winning at all. 

A little side note relating to the last bullet point:

I have ran this thought passed many friends and also my parents. Ross, my best friend, was next to me as I had the thought at the amusement park, and he found it very funny. My other friends found it pretty amusing, but a few of my friends and my parents, disagreed. Their response to it was simply "Well, that's how they get you!" or something along those lines. I personally can see Louie CK saying something along those lines and people cracking up laughing at it. 

Blog I Never Posted From A While Ago

I'd like to walk into English class one day and see that the quote on the board is from something I have said in one of these blogs. The issue is that I don't say things in the most quotable form. So I figured that if I wanted even the slightest chance of getting up on that board, I should make a list of quotes.

- Remember: Stud is only one letter away from being an STD
- No matter how bad today is, you will most likely live through thousands of other "todays" that are much better.
- I love myself.
- I am better than you, and You are better than I. He is better than Her, and Her is better than He.



I changed my mind. I suck at writing quotes. I do enjoy the first quote though. I guess the only thing left to do is to discuss why I don't talk during class.

I know that I have different views than most people in my class. Except maybe Alex Coleman, he seems to agree with a lot of the stuff I believe. I know that most of my views won't be very well accepted to be the truth to the majority of the class, and will then be bombarded with questions that I frankly don't want to answer. I can't really find the motivation that many people seem to have when it comes to changing peoples opinions. I could care less if I change anyones opinions into what I believe to be the truth. Why should I care?

The next reason I don't speak in class is because of my inability to publicly speak in classes that I don't feel completely comfortable in. I am what some may call a wallflower of the school. No one has anything bad to say about me, but not many people really know me more than that. I guess that is sort of an exaggeration, because I admit that I have my fair share of friends from tennis, band, and other activities. There is a large section of the senior class in which, throughout the many years, have never gotten to know. This is the section that puts me on edge. I believe strongly in social circles and the whole jock, preps, nerds, geeks, theory. My group of friends consist of a little bit of each group, which puts me in the middle of...

Fire Embers & Falling

I think fire embers are an amazing thing. I would like someone to write a poem about them. I can not be that person because I have never been good at poetry, it's too much work. Anyways, the poem would have to express how the embers are alive only long enough to see all the beauties of the world, while dying out before the harsh realities of the world beat them down. They are truly innocent, fire embers. They are almost a paradox because they are part of what creates the beauties of the world, while also being able to experience them. Just a little thought I had at a fire last night.

This blog post is for my March Blog Entry.

I have something interesting that happened to me that connects well to The Stranger. 

Everyone knows that Meursault is a little different than the average person. We also discussed the strange feeling of guilt that Meursault felt when he told his boss that he needed to have off for a few days.... in order to go to his own mothers funeral. This is where I sorta connect to Meursault in my personal life. A few days ago, my mom and I drove down to some shopping center in order to buy stuff for my dorm room. (COLLEGE IS SO CLOSE NOW. I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS TO HAPPEN FOR 2 YEARS NOW. FINALLY!!!) On the way to the store, we drove by a dead cat on the side of the road. My mom felt really bad for it and its family, but I just couldn't get myself to feel bad about the whole ordeal. So many animals are killed, including pets. I am guessing it partially has to connect to the fact that I never had a cat, so I wouldn't understand. My mom claimed that it was strange of me to now get a little emotional about it, but life goes on. It was a nice trip other than that and I got some chill bed sheets. Flash forward to our drive home. We approach a turn on a backroad and an older man falls while push-mowing his front lawn. He simply does a little awkward tumble and sorta lands on the road. We then moved forward to see if he was okay and he did this little shimmy to get off the road. When we asked him if he was okay he said "gosh, now there's lotsa cars around me" and you could feel his embarrassment. He eventually got up and was fine, but that hasn't stopped me from constantly thinking about it. My mom and I tried to figure out why I felt so so so so so SO bad for that man, but we couldn't exactly figure it out. I just have this immense feeling of empathy for him even though he has already probably forgot all about it. 

I still can't figure out why something like this would effect me so greatly. It could be related to how "human" that incident was. It was just a pure thing that could have occurred to anyone. It was just so realistic. I am sorry if that doesn't make sense to anyone else, but the word realistic comes to my mind automatically when I think of the incident. It was a "raw" moment. Very harsh and true.

EDIT: Maddy Stillman was kind enough to actually write a poem about those fire embers. Here it is:

birthed in light and smoke

ardent and young to take

a first glance at the world

with eyes flickering across horizons;

bouncing from cloud to crown"

what roaring beauty to behold.

not yet tainted by fuel and fire

they cling to hope

darting in orange flickers

to make their escape

from innocent gaps in vision

unveiling feared divergence.

etched into sunsets:

burning cities

if their gaze would long to hold

but lights burn out

before the chance to crawl

on battered grounds.

Prom

I'd sell my soul for a perfect date to prom.

I don't really feel like writing all about our new unit, and want to focus more on my prom situation. (maybe, just maybe, I will make a few connections to the unit without even knowing it tee hee) If that wasn't clear enough, it means that I will obviously connect my prom situation to the unit.

Let us begin this literary exploration with the start of the tennis season. We have a new coach, Mr. Wooddell. He started having indoor practices and all was well. I, personally, hate indoor practices, because I look so much better when I am playing outdoors. I obviously then complained to other players and was annoyed at coach. Now I realize that coach couldn't control the weather and it was very silly of me to get annoyed at him. For the next few days, the tension started building because no one knew what our ranking was for the team. This is when I began to realize I was surrounded by a group of completely selfish people. Now that this is all over, I realize that society is selfish, not just tennis players. Now I am going to go off on a small tangent that I need to make in order to get a good grade on my blog: I believe that there is no such thing as a completely selfless person, and if there was one, they would be homeless on the streets. There is no way that a completely selfless person would be able to have any success in life. Anyways, the rankings for tennis came out a few days later, and I was content with my position (cough cough #2 player on the team cough cough). I suppose it is time for a new paragraph.

Flash forward to the first OAHS Tennis Team match. Everyone is pumped and excited because we are playing Octorara and they are absolutely horrible at tennis. We all won our matches and were feeling really good about ourselves. Another little sweet treat about the match was that we got a new team manager, lets call her..... Grace. She is a great improvement from the old tennis manager, and, I admit it, was much cuter. I have this friend who plays tennis, lets call him.....John, and he won his first varsity match and was happy too. I drove him home from the match and he called dibs on Grace almost immediately. Wouldn't you think that mankind would be more civilized (hint hint essential question hint hint) than calling "dibs" on a cute girl?? I wouldn't think so. I don't have much faith in society and mankind, but as long as I am alright then I don't care much. I didn't think much about the dibs because John shifts around different girls and is very indecisive. 

Flash forward to last tennis match vs Great Valley. We got decimated (that's a good AP English adjective right?!), but it was expected and we were fine afterwards. I continued to talk to Grace and the other team manager, lets call her...... Maddy, and was having a nice time. John eventually finishes his match and comes out and disregards my personal feelings, and budges right in and makes a few comments to me about like Grace, just random stuff that only really makes sense to us. It is kind of interesting to me that he does this because I was annoyed he did it to me, because it is obviously "immoral" or wrong of him to do, but I totally would have done the same to him. Speaking of being immoral, I think that its a meaningless word because I don't think a person has the right to define what is moral for everyone else. And whist I am writing about the unit essential questions, I would like to say that my belief on ethics are very similar to my beliefs on morals. To get back to the point, I never tell John I kinda like this girl Grace, because I don't want to hear his sh** about it and how he called dibs. 

I have recently got all four of my wisdom teeth taken out, which really gave me a lot of recovery time to just think about everything. By the second day I was even questioning if life had any meaning (hint hint), and I determined that it doesn't but like that doesn't mean much to me. I would feel a hell of a lot of stress if I believed I had a set meaning in my life. During my time of thinking, I thought way too much about my prom situation. I am really bad at overthinking things and decided by the end that I was going to ask Grace to prom before John could. This probably provokes many questions like "How could you do that to one of your best friends?" and "No way that works out and John and you keep being best friends.". My response to that has to deal with the Monsters and Ourselves unit. I think that doing this would personally benefit me greatly, that it was worth going over some common "morals". At this point I'd be a little scared for myself and think that I am some sort of moral breaking psychopath, but I mean this is one time plus I do, in fact, feel empathy for people and assure you (the readers) that nothing is seriously wrong. 

Finally the day of the match comes where I determine for sure if I should ask Grace to prom or not. I plan on talking to her and Maddy during the matches, because I was still unable to play because of my wisdom teeth. On the bus ride up, John constantly talks about prom (common topic on the tennis bus for some reason), and how he is going to ask Grace. That was annoying to me and bothered me because he was joking about it. The matches go by and it was normal. (At this point in the journey, I am fully regretting writing this whole thing, but it is far too late to stop now.) The bus ride home was filled with prom talk again, and by this point I just wanted to get out of there. Once I was home I learned from one of my other friends, lets call him..... Rodney, that she in fact did not like me, and was set on getting another guy to ask her to prom. I wonder who that could be. Ha, just kidding, it is obviously John. Now I am in the process of getting over it all and just moving on, which I am used to and have gotten pretty good at. That last match actually happened earlier today.

I deceived myself. I fully convinced myself that I liked Grace. If I truly liked her that much, why am I already almost completely over her and it hasn't been more than two hours. I am a strong believer that we are convincing ourselves that we believe in everything we do. For example, a person may truly believe that magic is real, but with lots of hard work, and thinking, that person would be able to decondition themselves to that thought. They would then not believe what they convinced themselves to be true. 

Overall, this whole experience has made me question a lot of things in human nature, and has been another learning point for me. I learned that people are selfish and can even jump some simple morals in order to benefit themselves. We are all living for ourselves. Lastly, it left me with one large question: WHO CAN I ASK TO PROM?!? 

Extra Little Post

I feel like writing about stuff. I want to say something that has never been said before. It simply isn't possible. I began writing this because I am on a quest to be different than the rest. I want the attention, but without trying to make it seem obvious. I like to think that if I am good enough at something, that I will get noticed and pointed out by people, but that is bull shit. I am doing all of this because I want the attention. I like thinking that I am better than other people. I am not saying that I am better than anyone else on this earth, but I sure as hell love the feeling I get when I believe I am above the rest. I had an idea about what I was going to write about, but now it just seems pointless. I would love if a teacher would get ahold of this paper and pass it around to the other teachers, saying “This guy really has something special here”. But it won’t happen. I am no better than the rest for writing this type of stuff. There are so many other teenagers who have thoughts like me, and many of them can express themselves much better than I ever could. At this point you may be wondering why I am still writing this, knowing that it won’t be special compared to anything else. Well I am banking off of the fact that maybe, just maybe, I could be considered special because I understand that I am no different than the rest, and openly admit it. Speaking of admitting things, I admit that I did feel down before I began writing, and I believe that writing things like this really help and I love doing it. Here’s a random tangent: I don't laugh at the little jokes and things that people find funny throughout the day, like the simple jokes that everyone gets. I have a very different type of sense of humor, and I don’t think I will be able to express how it works through writing just yet. That could be a full 3 page essay to be honest. It is all very interesting to me, but that is for another time. I began writing this to an anonymous audience, but as I kept writing, I realized I was directing it towards Mrs. Burnett. Now that that has been said, I would like to say that you never should've said that you enjoy my blogs. That was what I was going for I guess for the past few blogs. I wanted to grab someones attention knowing that there have been so many other blogs that are just plain boring. In order to knock me down a level again, I made myself consider the fact that there probably already is many different blogs throughout the years that were much better and different compared to mine. I don't like to get too confident because I don't want to just be knocked down eventually, so I do it myself before anyone else can. That isn't true. I was writing that to get a reaction. Sorry. It is just natural to me to say things like that at this point. I realize that this is one super long paragraph, but I am no good at making multiple paragraphs, because I have no clue when I will change topics. Speaking of that, is there any way that I can write something for something cool? I know its a strange question, but I’d love to get to practice writing and have a topic to go off on. Hi Josh Stillman. I know that you will be reading this so I might as well give you a shout out. I guess I am writing this in place of the blog that is due, until I have another main thing to blog about during this month. Hope y’all enjoy this and I apologize for my horrible typing skills. 

Thee Awakeningg

I have recently expressed my opinions about feminism in another paper for AP English, so I will withhold from talking about them on here. For the rest of this blog, I will focus on The Awakening and the ideas that go along with it. Enjoy!

Picture Edna, from The Awakening, as a normal, run of the mill woman from her times. I know it is hard to do, being that we recently read a book in which she was the main character. This leads me to my first of many tangents. I didn't know that I had strong feelings toward this until right this very second, but it bothers me that most books are focused on a set amount of people. It makes it hard to not create a larger than life view of the few main characters. I'm going off on another tangent from my first tangent here, but isn't it pretty awesome that most of the blogs for this class are full of opinions that are based off of little to nothing, and were formed practically on the spot? I am not trying to sound sarcastic, because I really do think it's cool that we are at an age in which we are constantly forced to form new opinions on new and unique topics. And while we are completely away from what I began talking about, I would just like to ask if that paper we got reminding us about the blog, was directed partially to me? If it was, I would reluctantly agree to change my format into a much more formal format, in which I write long sentences that sound good, but mean little to nothing. That came off a little harsh, sorry, I always get in a certain mood when writing on this blog. Also, (I promise this is the last thing!) it is obviously easier to type this all out, being that there is a sense of invincibility that people get when interacting online.

Anyways, imagine being a simpleton that was on vacation around the spot where Edna was. You just happen to occasionally see Edna, Robert, and the other characters, as well as hearing about what is going on with them. You have enough information to understand that Edna is inching away from her loving, seemingly great, husband, and gravitating towards that wife-stealing Robert. We all know that Robert is a big flirt and he can't control himself. Then for a while you hear nothing about the whole group of people, and continue to obey your husband and do whatever he pleases, because that is what seems to be socially normal at that time. (This goes without saying, but I obviously do not support anything like that, and am just saying it to put the reader in the times that the story was written) You eventually go back home, and hear the news that Edna had gone and drowned herself. There are many rumors, of course, which explain why she would have done such a terrible thing, although each "explanation" has their own holes and isn't completely clear. No matter what the real reasoning of her suicide was, it would seem like such an absurd and drastic solution to a problem that couldn't have been that terrible, considering what you knew about her.

My whole point of writing that scenario out was to try to show that well...actually...I'm not that sure. It started out as my attempt at expressing that suicide isn't this huge deal that automatically begins a revolution. Suicide occurs all the time, in every area, that affects all types of people. Now that I look more into my scenario, I see how I could be attempting to show that inner struggles of a person, or a society as a whole, do not relate well to the general public, unless, of course, if you read this fictional book. Also, this brings up a point that I am sure all english teachers have heard thousands... no millions of times: "Maybe the author just wrote the book to provoke emotions and to supply the public with a 'good read'. There doesn't need to be a deep meaning to everything in our world". At the same time that I say that, I am realizing that the "deepness" of worldly things, all depends on the individual. Going along with that logic, then does that mean that The Awakening was a book that was set on supporting their ideas, despite the fact that the author claims to not have had that in mind? Is a book, and its meaning, up to the author, or the reader to determine? (Thats a good question, I like it. Very vague and could provoke much discussion.)

I need to connect all of this to the current world still, I suppose. It is pretty obvious that times have gotten better for women, although there is still a clear advantage for men in life. It doesn't effect me much, being that I am a young man, but I understand it has been on many peoples cases for years. Hahah I'm laughing at the fact that I simplified such a large issue down to a simple, ignorant sentence. But really, I do understand the hugeness of this issue, and its importance. I am not nearly as optimistic as some people seem to be, but I do not think that anytime in my lifetime, women and men will be truly equal. I think that women will have the advantage over men, before equality would ever be reached. Nothing in this world is completely equal and balanced. Also, people still commit suicide often. So that's an ongoing issue that you can't really put any positive spin on. It is pretty terrible to think about, and scary, but I am assuming if someone is very religious, they believe that the person that committed suicide was meant to do it and God has a plan for everyone.

I would lastly like to state that I agree that all peoples should be equal no matter what race, culture, education, upbringing, sexuality, gender, or hair color that person is/has. I do admit that I am a little tired of reading the books from this unit, and am looking forward to the next unit. Thanks to all my readers, and I appreciate my small, but loyal fan group!

Peace Out,
Jake Gregan

Normal

Normal, used as an adjective, is defined as "conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected". Being normal is an intriguing concept in my mind. I'd love to meet someone that is normal, although, it is unlikely, because a truly normal person can not exist in our world. It is impossible for there to be worldwide standards, that you can conform to. Every person has different mindsets, beliefs, and morals, which makes it impossible to come across an action that could be considered "typical, or expected". I'm sure that I have made it clear that I am more of an individualist, compared to people with a more sociological view on the world. If I was to write a blog from the point of a socialist, my answer would be much different, and probably more accepted by people, compared to my natural mentality. 

The word normal has a bad connotation to most people in our society. It is almost ironic, because everyone is normal in their own way. For example, a serial killer may find it normal to kill an innocent person, while a nun may find it normal to pray for 6 hours a night. Anytime a person calls another person normal, they could mean two things, one, that person has similar mindsets as the person being called normal, or, that the person being called normal, is normal according to our societies beliefs. Both are valid reasonings. 

Normal connects to Prufrock because he is considered normal, in a way, to most readers. One popular question brought up during Prufrock discussions was if Prufrock should be considered a hero, or just a normal guy. I, personally think that a person can be normal and a hero. Prufrock finds it normal that he can't "grow a pair" to go talk to that girl. He needs to find it normal, because normal is acceptable, and he needs to feel justified. Prufrock is overcomplicating and overthinking things. I can relate because I know that I do this for every little thing in life, and even though I know I do it, I can't stop. This is where my view of Prufrock differs a little from most people. Many people will tell Prufrock to "do what he wants to do and go and talk to the girl!" Well if he really did want to go talk to the girl, why didn't he? "His nerves got the best of him, he really wants to talk to her!" It is obvious that his nerves aren't the only issue. And even if they were, and he got over his nerves and talked to her, do you think their relationship would really last? "What if they talk and fall in love and marry?!" What if she likes him as a person, but is not attracted to him physically, so she says she just wants to be friends, (because, lets be honest, physical attraction is important in relationships) and he agrees reluctantly and becomes in a long lasting friendship with a girl he secretly wants to date the whole time?

Hahah I laugh at my little rant type thing above this, because I know how biased, and negative it is. I mean it is what I truly think currently in my life, but I know that it will change soon enough. Its amazing that at my age my opinions and beliefs can change so quickly, and how easily swayed they are. I can't really control it, but at least I am aware of the fact that I am constantly changing and believing in other things.