Hospital Cafeteria

Jake Gregan

Hospital Cafeterias 

I just now stumbled across a song that I hadn't listened to for years. The song does't matter nearly as much as the experience that it takes me back to. My father had back surgery a few years back, and my mother and I anxiously waited in the waiting room for hours on end. The surgery went well. I am attempting to write this well enough but I just can't. I am unable to put my thoughts down onto paper and express them the way they deserve to be expressed. My memory from that day was dark. Everything about that hospital in Philly, one of the best in the country, was covered in this dark film that made everything just seem a little off. After saying our goodbyes to my dad, we went down to the waiting room and took our seats. This waiting room was very large and used for people in similar situations as ourselves. There were rows after rows of seats and in the center there was a desk with a few computers on it which the families could use if need be. We waited for what seemed like days until we decided to go to the hospital cafeteria. The hospital cafeteria is the most humanizing room that I have ever came across. We are all humans. All humans are animals. All animals need to eat. And that's exactly what the hospital cafeteria is made for. It has all sorts of interesting foods that I am naturally very attracted to, due to my appreciation for food and just liking places like that. But that's not what makes this large room so special. People who's wives are dying of a botched surgery, people who just found out their grandfather successfully made it through and is recovering well, people who have no idea about the fate of their loved ones, little children who are unable to comprehend the situation, yet they still know to not make a fuss. These are the people that you will see at a hospital cafeteria. Everyone needs to eat at some point in order to continue to survive. I remember walking into that cafeteria and being excited about ordering a meatball sub and wanting some sort of cookie or some shit, and then my mom said no and that the sandwich was enough. And that was that. I understood fully that we were there to eat out of necessity, not pleasure. When I opened up this blog I was not planning on talking so much about the cafeteria, but it all suddenly hit me as I began typing. And let me remind you that all of this is being provoked from just one simple song that I happened to be listening to during the time of the hospital visit. But anyway, back to the waiting room we went. At this time I was taking Honors Chemistry and I had a large test the next day, and was planning on studying for it during the time we waited. I didn't even attempt to take out my book until most of the crowd was gone from the room. All I could get myself to do was to listen to the same 4 songs on repeat for hours on end. The doctors occasionally came out and told us all was well and that it shouldn't be too long, which was a complete lie, but I didn't mind. At this point we had gotten up and moved over to a corner of the room which was not very crowded at all except for a few families. One of the families had a daughter that was my age, and for hours I thought about if I should go talk to her or do something about it. But she could have been there because of her moms tumor removal or something extremely intense. But if I used that as my excuse, that would be a lie. I knew I would never have the strength to go and talk to a girl in that situation. This isn't very important overall but I just remember that it was on my mind for so long as we waited. I overheard a group of people next to me saying that their sister was in surgery for some botched face lift and that it is just one of the many surgeries she will have to get eventually. Eventually we found out my dad was all good and we had a long ride home from Philly and I ended up getting like a C on that chem test, but like why does that matter in the long run at all. Jumping back to the cafeteria talk, I just looked into any info about how interesting hospital cafeterias were, and I couldn't find one damn article on it. It just is so amazing. Life. Ya know? And how such horrible things can happen to us, and yet at the end of the day, we still keep living by doing things like eating. You wouldn't ever consider to walk up to a person in line at the cafeteria and ask them how their day was doing. But that doesn't mean it has to be a hostile place. I remember when I was with my dads side of the family in a cafeteria while my uncle was in the ICU and hearing a woman sobbing in one corner of the large room. I remember my aunt came over to us and we all sorta joked around with each other about various things, despite being united and brought together over what seemed the inevitable death of my own uncle. (Luckily he recovered and all is well) But just the fact that humans as a species can joke during times of peril simply to make things seem more normal for just those initial seconds you only are focusing on laughing, is what is so amazing to me. That song is Secrets By Maroon 5 btw. I don't know how I got into it, and it is not a popular song. I remember reading my first complicated psychology book that I bought in Philly while my uncle was in ICU and reading it in the cafeteria and it was about the theory that what if we all were just brains in a jar. Everything around us was made up by our own imaginations and minds. I still fully believe that that is a possibility. Not so much the brains in jars, but just that everything around me is just made up by my own mind. It has stuck with me for so many years now. I will never not have that in the back of my head. I got it. The hospital waiting room day seemed like a dream to me. I have very vivid dreams and I could describe one of my most recent dreams even better than I did for the day I actually experienced. I am going to college for communications media and I love that stuff. But I don't think I can completely cut out psychology from the mix because this stuff is just so amazing to me and it seems like not everyone fully gets how insane it all is and they just say "yeah I agree thats cool/interesting" and then just keep going with their lives. That seems near impossible to me. To just keep living life without acknowledging and adjusting to those ideas and concepts. I live a fully functional life and have large plans in life but am able to occasionally realize the little things and appreciate how great and intriguing this world is that we live in. I haven't stopped typing since I started and I have no idea if any of this is understandable. I am laying in my dorm bed at USC which I will soon be leaving for good to go to IUP which I am looking forward to. I do not feel as if I am currently in my dorm but more so in my bedroom in Oxford where I feel the most comfortable I have ever been. And all of this just makes me put everything in perspective and it just is all so much. I don't know why I am writing this or for whom it is written for, but I guess that's not my job to figure out. I am not gonna go back and edit what I typed because I am a strong believer of steam of conscious writing and if I edit anything, I will be editing my raw ideas and beliefs.