Written in 2017. Oof!

I want to be able to express myself.

First I should figure out why I want to do so.

I believe there are lots of people that don't have "it". The thing that me and only a few other people I know have. The majority of people I used to interact with seemed to be extras in a movie. Surface level personality with clear motives which lead them through their lives. Recently I have met others who seem to have full and deep personalities with interesting morals and traits. Unfortunately, both these types of people don't have "it".

I want other people who have "it" to see myself and feel a connection and an urge to meet. This is a selfish reason as I always have the best times and conversations with people who also share "it" with me. It's a great dream to imagine having people around me who all share "it". This can lead to many good things for my life personally.

If I could express myself and the "it" that I feel that I have, I feel as if it could benefit others who have "it" but never knew how to put it to words before this. There isn't anything written like this that I have ever found. I want to provide this for other people out there who feel similarly.

This is something that has been very prevalent in my life for many years now, and I have never given much thought into what really makes up this "it" that I feel. Diving deep into this topic will allow me to gain a deeper understanding on what "it" consists of.

This is, of course, a welcome distraction from other responsibilities I currently hold. I won't deny that, but I do believe this is a good thing I'm doing, and is something I should have done long ago.


With the reasoning behind me, I feel as if I'm able to move to the next steps. For now I'll just finish my thoughts. Recently I've been trying to figure out a way to express "myself" and the "it" which I contain. I'd like to think I'm a creative person, and I assume thats the route I have to go for expression. I've been making a lot of music lately, which seems like a promising route for expressing "it".

I struggle daily with the fact that humans taste in a topic is always better than what the human can actually create. I like a lot of funny videos and podcasts, but I know that my attempts at those things will be terrible compared to what I like. The fact of the matter is that the only way around this is to just start somewhere and keep going until you improve and find your voice/style. Luckily for me, I began to make silly music before I knew about any of that. I am already developing a style and have seen myself transform and improve throughout the past few years.

I'm not sure if music alone can express "it". I think it can be used to support "it" in many ways, but there isn't enough direct meat to really get it across to others.