Wrote on Plane, Already Feels Outdated and I feel Differently but I insist on posting still.

When I was in band freshman year I was nervous. Lots of skilled people above me who were intimidating. I wasn’t aware of the drill for marching and in general clueless as to how high school band operated. 

Flash forward to senior year where I was top trumpet player and had the job of leading the section in marching and practices. I was on top but not scared or intimidated. I would joke around and just mess around in general due to my comfort being there for 4 years.

This was not a great feeling, as one may think. The novelties of band were worn off and nothing scared me. I understood everything “high school band” and had become comfortable within it.

I feel a similar way right now with life in general. In no way am I saying that I understand and am comfortable with what life can be. But recently, with my maturity and growth a lot of things I once held special in my head, have become normal and understood. 

I did not go through much growth socially while I was in college. This has lead to me discovering all these new things straight out of college at a fast pace. For example, the idea of dating a girl and not wanting/expecting a relationship, was something I never experienced. I perhaps knew it was common, though there is a well defined difference between knowing and experiencing.

I still haven’t demystified certain things such as casual sex, as most of my friends have. The idea of becoming so intimate with someone I do not personally know a great amount, seems so scary and exciting. I am not opposed, though not experiencing this type of sex before, has made it feel so hard to ‘make the moves’ as others may easily do. Perhaps I am subconsciously keeping this experience a mystery in order to keep me feeling like there’s more exciting things in my life I’ve yet to explore. Perhaps it’s just me being scared and not able to do it.

I know I have so much more to experience and learn from. I just have taken a moment to step back and realize that I have been experiencing so much positive growth, though along with that growth, I’ve had a layer of demystification occur in my life. Not every person you meet is going to make a mark in your life, or perhaps a person you enjoy being with, just isn’t worth the negatives.

I think a lot of these social learnings have been hard and interesting because before, I knew all these classic beliefs and sayings, though I knew deep down, that if any girl showed interest in dating me than I would forget all the beliefs and just enjoy the love and attention. I did this with Kate, whom I dated for two and a half years. I guess now that I think about it, it really has allowed for me to actively avoid those rash decision makings. 

It’s funny because during such great social growth and maturation, I’ve been struggling to find a job and structure in my life. I guess that makes sense. I’m just excited to work and move to a place I enjoy and continue growing elsewhere.

I’m flying to Las Vegas right now with Danny Irving. I got to switch to an aisle seat since it was a couple. That’s nice. I’m visiting my friend Ross Bolesta who is spending a semester at Flagstaff. I hope I like the Western culture as much as everyone says I will.

I did an internship after I graduated and that schedule along with my summer of growth, allowed for me to lose 40 pounds. That’s pretty damn good in like 2.5 months. Since it’s ended I have maintained same weight but it sucks because I have no structure in my current life.

I’ve gone on dates, bought clothes that express who I am, and have created a good balance with utilizing social media in a positive way. I’ve been able to release another silly music album as well as make some money with the digital sketch pad I got for cheap. I have discovered so many super good comedy groups and people, which has been so rare for the years previous.

I guess this is an update on life for the blog if anyone still somehow sees this. I guess it could be cool to look back and see how I’ve finally matured and became the person I’ve wanted to be for years. It’s fun being an adult and I’m so excited for the years to come. Endless possibilities. Just gotta pay loans. 

Also I am officially determined and passionate about starting my own Salvage Grocery company out west marketed towards young cheap shoppers who want to promote sustainability while also saving money in the bank. Never felt more certain about something for my future before.