A lot has changed in such a short amount of time. I’m back on a plane haha. Did not see this coming. I don’t understand how everyone on this plane can just continue doing what they’re doing as the plane speeds down the runway and LIFTS OFF THE EARTH. I always play the same song and try to time it with takeoff but it always is early.
I’m heading to Denver, CO. I’ll be here for like 4ish days. I’ll be in Denver tonight, Boulder until tuesday, and then back to Denver for the flight home on Wednesday. I’m here for an interview I have with a Unique Gifting Experience business called Cloud 9 Living.
I did a great phone interview and did a great job selling myself and who i am, because I was able to be fully honest. The only issue was that in my cover letter, I was the opposite of honest. I understand this was dumb, but who knows if I would have gotten the call otherwise. I told them I was moving to Boulder and I already planned on it before I applied. This is untrue. The only way I can afford to move out is if I get the job. I managed to tell them my housing fell through and that I’ll still be in town to look at places and interview in person.
It pays 40k a year with full benefits. It has 15 full time employees and they are all super colorado-esque. Outdoorsy, open minded, cool, and fit. It got ranked as a top 20 best places to work by Outdoor Magazine twice. I’m certain I’d fit in and do well at the job. Just have to nail the first impressions with the team and I think I got the job.
This means I have to promptly find a place to live in Boulder and move out west to my dream town. It all feels not possible and none of it has hit me yet, except a panic attack I had a few nights ago. I want to live in a 5 bedroom house with cool unique outgoing people in order to force me to continue growing as a person.
Anyway, a few hours have passed and I’m tired. almost dozed off. Right now I wanna go to a private bed and sleep in it and just lay out but I have a bed in a hostel and I’m determined to go with it. Even if I don’t meet lots of people, at least I’ll have committed and went through with something that gives me anxiety.
I have about an hour left until landing. Not sure what I want to talk about. I said last post how lots of things changed already since that flight. Something mentally clicked inside of me where I’ve begun the process of maturity. My deep core beliefs have been catching up to my lifestyle and are genuinely changing.
I’ve had to make some apologies to some people recently because I realize how I’ve acted in the past could have hurt them. I used to be so blunt and blindly focused on forcing people to realize the (what’s to me) obvious truths. I come to realize that that is such a juvenile way of approaching helping people. I needed to realize that the average person is either aware deep down of the truth of their situation and are actively trying to avoid all thoughts about it, or they just aren’t willing/ready to face any of it. By forcing someone to prematurely face these hard truths, it can force them to regress and lose progress they were making. Sometimes it’s best to just get what you can out of your friendship with them, and just be there for them as they come to realize their issues on their own timeline.
So that was the first large mental shift to occur in the recent weeks. The second is that I always thought I was hardwired to be a negative person, but it doesn’t match the lifestyle I have been living. So I am starting the transition of going from a negative person to a positive one! It’s exciting and I have a long way to go for sure. There was a 15 year old comedian I saw who’s family moved her to LA as a 12 year old to pursue comedy. Her standup act is cringey and bad. I immediately thought “ugh that’s so lame and shes so bad” but then a sneaking rogue thought snuck in and asked “Well shes living an interesting life and trying her best and who knows, she could give up comedy at age 22 and then be a really cool girl who can causally say she did standup for a decade.” then another thought snuck in “Who cares if she ever turns cool or stops being cringey. I will statistically never meet or interact with her, so what is the point of having any sort of negative reaction to her? What good does that do for me?” and that’s what sparked it all.
Now I’m on the flight home. Interview went well and I’ll know if i got the job at some point this week. Who knows, I could have the offer or non-offer in my inbox just waiting for me to turn off airplane mode. I really loved Boulder. It all was very surreal and made me confident that I want to live there for a portion of my life. Whether it be January 1st or a year from today. Who knows. I journaled this whole trip which has proven enjoyable.
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